The first-ever men’s and women’s roller derby triple-header takes place at the historic Cincinnati Gardens on Saturday, April 19, featuring a Cincinnati Rollergirls vs. Arch Rival Roller Girls (St. Louis, MO) double-header and an opening battle between the Cincinnati Battering Rams and the St. Louis GateKeepers. Tank has a preview.

Just like in baseball, Cincinnati and St. Louis have had a storied rivalry on the flat track, dating back to the first time the Cincinnati Rollergirls and the Arch Rival Roller Girls met at Fall Brawl II in 2008. Over the past seven seasons, both teams have had successes and setbacks, getting close to the top of the North Central but not being able to crack the top three of the region. This Saturday, judging by their strength of their schedules, the ARRG All-Stars (1-1 in sanctioned play) are favored to win over the 0-5 Cincinnati Black Sheep, but what’s on paper and what happens on the track can be two different things.
Let’s start at the top of the card with the men’s game, as the GateKeepers and Rams look horns at 4 p.m. This will be the Rams’ toughest game to date, as the GateKeepers placed third last year in the MRDA Championships and five of the 29 Men’s Team USA skaters were GateKeepers. Seriously, they fielded 17 percent of the skaters on the best men’s roller derby team in the world.
This will be a major test for the Rams, a young team that has surprised many with their strong play and a roster that just keeps getting better and better. CRG bench coaches Quad Almighty and He-Bruise are trading in their shirts and ties for helmets and kneepads, as they’ll both be skating in this one. Keep an eye on Creeper (above) when he dons the jammer star, as he has taken to the sport of roller derby like a duck to water or me to an open bar at a wedding.
Finally, the GateKeepers aren’t the only one with a Team USA skater on their squad, as the Battering Rams’ Tink will be in action, presumably skating backwards and knocking other dudes out of the building and onto Seymour Avenue. If you’ve never seen men play roller derby before, you’re in for a treat, as it can best be described as a NASCAR race with monster trucks. Get ready for fast-paced action and gigantic hits.
The second game of the night, at 6 p.m., will feature the Lambs (3-4) taking on the Saint Lunachix (0-2). The Lambs continue to impress this season, most recently putting up a 4-point loss to Naptown’s Warning Belles. Why is a loss impressive? Because two weeks before that, they lost to the Belles by 161 points, which is a hell of a turnaround in a very short period of time.
As I have talked about all season, jammers are emerging for this team, but I also need to point out how well the blockers are starting to come together as a unit as well. Mama Crass has been an excellent pickup for the Lambs, and battle-hardened veterans Cherry Choke, Susie Shinsplintski and Railroad are engaging in some very inspired pack play this year. If the Lambs can secure a win here, they’ll improve to .500 on the season.
The main event of the evening, at about 7:45 p.m., will pit the WFTDA 44th-ranked Black Sheep vs. the 21st-ranked ARRG All Stars. Arch Rival has had some turnover, losing some players to retirement or transferring other teams, including Smarty McFly to Windy City. Even with the turnover, marquee-name veterans such as Downtown Dallis, Mayor Francis Slayer, Shimmy Hoffa, Eli Wallop and Mighty Mighty Boston still populate the roster. CRG continues to experiment with their roster as they bring up I, Caramba! (right), who was the Lambs’ MVP blocker against Gem City last month.
Also, I recently stopped by a scrimmage between the Rams and the Sheep and I was impressed by what I saw. One major stand out for me in that scrimmage was Sprint Julep, as I watched her contain a jammer one on one at the back of the pack, worked her way to the front once he had passed her, knocked him out of bounds, and then raced to the back of the pack to make him come back in and do it all over again. This is the type of play that will get the Sheep in the win column sooner rather than later.
This triple-header is a going to be a lot of fun and will be a good litmus test for every team involved. How good are the Rams, and do they have a shot at making the MRDA playoffs? Can the Lambs even up their record to 4-4? Where are the Sheep right now in terms of being competitive with a team that’s in the WFTDA Top 25? To get those answers, join us at the Gardens on Saturday night.
-Tank
For tickets and more information, click here.
Photo credits, from top: Jason Bechtel, David Sorcher, Jeffrey Sevier

Cincinnati Battering Rams vs. St. Louis GateKeepers

Battering Rams: MicCheck 123 // Notorious B.O.B 13 // Nine-Oh 210 // Bubba Thump 31 // Giggles 333 // Tink 37 // R.E.D. 50 // He-Bruise 613 // Quad Almighty 7 // Jerry Rigg 77 // Prime Time 8 // Spyder 81 // Schnack Attack 83 // Creeper 975 // Alternate: Grimace 34
GateKeepers: Spin Diesel 0260 // Saint 1 // Prime 11 // High Pains Drifter 13 // Gnat King Kill 24 // Double Excel 314 // Shane Bower 32 // Inquabable Hulk 5150 // Bled Zeppelin 618 // Screecharound 66 // Kyle Stark 73 // Percy Controll 82 // Wrecking Bill 86d // Magnum p.i.m.p. L7 // Alternates: Handrail 12 // Skulls McCrackin’ 99

Cincinnati Violent Lambs vs. Arch Rival Saint Lunachix

Violent Lambs: Annie Tomical 91 // Chainsaw 80 // Cherry Choke 0 // Hot Slice 71 // Imma Tattooher 81 // Jenocide 14 // Jillian Dollaz 34 // Mama Crass 26 // Obie Haive 31 // Poppy Chulo 27 // Railroad 6 // // Skunna Hurt 69 // Susie Shinsplinski 51 // Tru D Vicious 19
St. Lunachix: Mayhem 0 // Nikki Trixx 111 // Coonrod 1900 // Nightmare 2002 // Faetal 222 // Science Friction 23 // Sleazy-E 3 // M. Rinehart 33 // Party Rocker 6AM // Jamheiser Bush 6FU // Yo Adrianna 732 // Sp!ce Rack 81 // Rogue 811 // The Ginger Assassin 9MM

Cincinnati Black Sheep vs. Arch Rival All-Stars

Black Sheep: Anne Bones 77 // Big Ugly 72 // candyKICKass 32 // Hannah Barbaric 85 // I, Caramba 23 // Jungle Lacy 83 // La Bruja 66 // Mirderher 44 // Nuk’em 86 // Ruthless Chris 5 // Sailor Scary 92 // Sista Shovechild 2 // Sprint Julep 9 // Wheezy 43 // Alternates: Annie Tomical 91 // Hot Slice 71
All-Stars: Mighty Mighty Boston M2 // Brickyard 400 // Ida the Living Dead 1968 // Mayor Francis Slayer 4 // Shimmy Hoffa 299 // Party Foul 00P5 // Tupac Shank-her 8100 // Rhino-Might 530 // Downtown Dallis 101 // Girl Fawkes NOV5 // Professor Rumbledore 116 // Eli Wallop 520 // Ginger Assassin 9MM // Vendetta VanGo 00 Alternates: Sleazy-E // Dirt Diggler